I Must Be Dying…
First of all I want to thank God for giving Craig and I the strength to make it through last week. A quick recap (read about it here), my main Personal Care Attendant had to suddenly be off for a week or so, to recover from a back strain injury, acquired at home. Which meant, I had an, "Uh Oh, what am I going to do" moment. When you depend on the arms and legs of others to get in and out of bed, among a myriad of other tasks, the temptation to panic arises during those moments. And anyone who knows me, knows that even though 99 percent of my life span, has been spent relying on the assistance of others, I am the opposite to a laid back person. When the girl I count on suddenly is unable to give me a hand and I don't have back up assistance for those "just in case moments," my initial reaction isn't as I know it should be… relax, pray to God for help, sip a cup of coffee and
|Me in 1966. The best way to sleep in a bed or crib :o)|
God's Grace, Really Is Amazing!
Well, thanks to I am sure, God's intervention, a week ago this morning, as my injured attendant was clearly not doing well physically, an unusual peace flooded my heart and mind. The temptation to freak out with worry, after she left, did knock at the door, but it didn't happen. Knowing that I had no one to fill in for her, an amazing calmness came over me. I even had a bigger reason to panic, I had been in process trying to hire another morning person, but hadn't yet. And yet still, I sensed that worrying and freaking wouldn't help anything, that God, as He always does, would provide what I needed. And guess what, He did! Thank You God for Your amazing Grace, for providing me with the best of care and the hearts of three caring, committed, willing and reliable ladies. Did I worry even a little? Of course I tried it, but recanted as God took care of all the details.
The Camp Out
Okay, so yes, God provided for my needs all last week. Thank you Lord for that, thank You for everything actually. I was never stuck in or out of bed and thanks to my dear husband, he helps me out as he always does. But, like I mentioned, I wanted to try to see if I could sleep in my tilting wheelchair, just for the first night. Here's the thing, I didn't have to, I had planned for the worst, hence the plan to not go to bed, but both of my casual gals were able to give me a hand that night and morning. However, I insisted on trying out the camp out idea and decline their offers.
Well, Craig got comfy on the futon in the living room, I got him to wrap me as snug as a bug in a rug with my favourite "Minky" blanket, Star Trek's Deep Space Nine was set to play, while I tried to sleep….and then I tried the video of the book of John….then I tried to shut it all off….and keeping my eyes closed through it all, while Craig was sawing logs, the hours ticked by, 2….3….5…and then by six am - ish, Craig got up and we made a great scrambled egg breakfast. It all had to be God's grace because there were times that day, where my heart felt like it was going to just stop beating. My disability involves progressive muscle weakness, so I am use to that floppy, limp feeling. It felt like five pound weights had been strapped to my limbs. Actually that is the best way to help someone understand what progressive muscle wasting feels like. Clamp on some weight to your limbs and carry out your day. Can't be one or two pounders, try at least five to ten pounds. Pretty much, gravity is my enemy.
Anyhoo, that following night, in our real bed, as I laid there anticipating a restful sleep, in spite of the second, third and fourth winds, the physical fatigue intensified and the weakness actually made me nervous. I told Craig I thought I might not make it through the night. Well, I did. (you have no idea, how many times he hears me say those words)
Number one, no, sleeping in my wheelchair is not a good idea. However, if I had no choice, I could survive it, Lord willing.
Lesson two, if someone offers you help, take it. After all, when you ask God for help and He throws you a life line, it is really silly to push it aside. I admit that even though I knew in my heart God would care for my needs, I took control and planned for the worst scenario and as a result spent a night of sleeplessness when I didn't have to. May He remind me of this event, should a similar scenario occur ever again.
A third lesson I want to share with anyone who doesn't know that God loves us and wants us to depend on Him. I have been hiring my own PCAs for about twenty years now, and must testify that without God being life, I wouldn't have been blessed with so many dedicated employees. He loves us and wants us to depend on His care. I have lived without Him in my life and I could never go back to that life. If it wasn't for the love and care of Jesus Christ, this time a week ago…well, let's just say, I believe I never even would have lived to get to this point in my life.
And thank you so much to my great PCAs. You have no idea how much your willingness, blessed me with reassurance not having to "worry" about how I was going to get to or out of bed. We all made it through and are on the other side. And thank You God for bringing our main PCA back to us, healed and raring to go.